"What Kids REALLY Want to Ask provides an ingenious, fun, and effective way for parents and young people to connect. And it takes exactly this connection for adult wisdom to flow to kids--and for kids to offer their insights to parents. I really like this book. I enthusiastically recommend it."
Dr. Peter Benson, President and CEO, Search Institute, Minneapolis, MN
"This hands-on tool is innovative, refreshing, and practical. I love its creative approach to enhancing communication and parent-teen sharing! Intelligent, respectful, and innovative, this is something all parents of young teens can use!"
Sue Blaney, author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster and speaker/consultant, ChangeWorks Publishing and Consulting.
"If you're tired of getting little response when trying to converse with your middle schooler, you need this book!"
Judy Galbraith, author of When Gifted Kids Don't Have All the Answers
What Kids REALLY Want to Ask
What Kids REALLY Want to Ask Published by VanderWyk & Burnham |
What Kids REALLY Want to Ask is available at bookstores nationwide, online, and at www.VandB.com. Media: to request a review copy, to arrange interviews with the authors, to have cover art sent electronically, or for any additional information, please contact Kate Bandos at KSB Promotions: 800-304-3269, 616-676-0758 or kate@ksbpromotions.com.
What Kids REALLY Want to Ask is the proud recipient of the following awards:
- A 2008 silver recipient of The Mom's Choice Awards® in the Parenting and Family category of Relationships and Marriage.
- A 2008 recipient of the Skipping Stones magazine award in the Teaching and Parenting Resources category.
Parents, Here’s the Secret To Getting Your “Middler” To Talk
Between the ages of 10 and 14, kids are intensely curious about their parents and the grown-up world. So, while you are asking your children things like, “How did you do on your math quiz?” or “Is your homework finished?” and getting one-word responses, they might secretly be wishing they could ask you, “How happy were you when I was born?” “What were you like when you were little?” and “How much do you love me?”
Through direct research (see sidebar) and a great deal of personal experience with middle schoolers, educator-mothers Rhonda A. Richardson and Margaret Pevec discovered that questions on the minds of kids are often quite different from what parents might think. Their new book, What Kids REALLY Want to Ask: Using Movies to Start Meaningful Conversations (May 2007, VanderWyk & Burnham, www.VandB.com), makes it easy for parents to implement at-home movie nights that will open key lines of communication. Richardson and Pevec point out, “We want to help parents nurture the bond and cement it more firmly in place prior to the years when hanging out with parents is the last thing a kid wants to do.”
Actual questions asked by over 1100 middlers led to the categories and movies in the book. Themes include extended families, parents as individuals, trust and responsibility, friendships, romance, school, and much more. Fourteen movies — including Secondhand Lions, Back to the Future, and Akeelah and the Bee — offer a nice mix of classics and budding classics appropriate to the age group. Each chapter of What Kids REALLY Want to Ask sets forth the theme’s importance to children and summarizes the recommended movie, including cautions about language and so on. Next, the parent and the child each get “talking points” to think about. Space is also provided for kids to write specific burning questions of their own. Each chapter ends with additional activities (simple to do), that can help elicit even more meaningful conversations on topics of special concern to the family. Richard M. Lerner, PhD and Director of the Institute for Applied Research in Youth Development at Tufts University, has called What Kids REALLY Want to Ask “a vital resource for families navigating the early years of adolescence.” Another fan is Dr. Peter Benson, President and CEO of Search Institute, who says the book “provides an ingenious, fun, and effective way for parents and young people to connect. And it takes exactly this connection for adult wisdom to flow to kids—and for kids to offer their insights to parents. I really like this book. I enthusiastically recommend it.” So, the next time you get a one-word response but sense an unasked question hovering just out of reach, plan to start at-home movie nights with guidance from What Kids REALLY Want to Ask, and discover a little more about what makes your family tick. |
Research Basis for Book Author-educator Rhonda Richardson polled over a thousand middle-school students with the following inquiry: “If you could ask your mom or dad one question and know you would get an honest answer, what question would you ask?” Respondents numbered 520 boys and 604 girls between the ages of 10 and 14. They were from urban, suburban, small-city, and rural areas. They represented low-, middle-, and high-income communities. The surprising result: The questions kids want to ask their parents are mostly about relationships, and some of the most important relationship issues are within the family. The questions largely fell into twelve broad categories. These form the chapter themes in What Kids REALLY Want to Ask. |
Sample “Talking Points”
Excerpted from What Kids REALLY Want to Ask
The following are examples of the discussion prompts provided for parents and kids as they prepare to talk with each other about a movie, in this case Secondhand Lions in the chapter This Clan Is Our Clan (theme: extended families).
Some of the Talking Points for Parents
- In Secondhand Lions, Walter had never met his great-uncles Garth and Hub. Do you have any relatives that your child doesn’t know about? What can you tell him about these relatives? Who is the oldest person in your family? Where are your family’s roots?
- It is safe to say that Uncle Garth and Uncle Hub become Walter’s favorite relatives. Do you have a favorite relative? What is it about this relative that makes him or her so special to you?
- Uncles Garth and Hub had lots of money and lots of adventures. Do you have a relative who is wealthy or famous? What about any relatives who struggle with poverty, addiction, mental illness, or physical disabilities? What do you want your child to know about them or the struggles they face?
- Uncle Garth and Uncle Hub find it difficult to talk about their feelings of affection and old love affairs. What issues in your family do you find it hard to talk about?
Some of the Talking Points for Kids
- Uncle Hub and Uncle Garth soon become Walter’s favorite relatives. Who is your favorite relative and why do you like him or her so much?
- Uncle Hub and Uncle Garth seem to be in their late 60s or early 70s. Who is the oldest person you know in your family? What do you know about his or her younger years?
- Walter’s uncles turn out to be loving, kind, and caring, but not all relatives are like that. Are there any relatives that you wish you didn’t have to see? What is it about them that makes you uncomfortable?
- If something ever happened to your mom and dad, which relative would you like to live with and why?
Your Turn [The child always gets a “Your Turn” space.]
- Now it’s your turn to write down any questions you would like to ask one or both of your parents about people you’re related to. What do you really want to know?
Talking points above adapted from What Kids REALLY Want to Ask: Using Movies to Start Meaningful Conversations copyright © 2007 by Rhonda A. Richardson, PhD and A. Margaret Pevec, MA, published by VanderWyk & Burnham.
Permission to reproduce the foregoing items is granted with the condition that the above paragraph of attribution is included with the listing.
About the Authors
Rhonda A. Richardson, PhD (Human Development and Family Studies) is an Associate Professor in the College of Education, Health and Human Services at Kent State University. She is also a Certified Family Life Educator. For over 20 years, she has taught courses on early adolescence and parent-child relationships to current and future youth workers, middle-school teachers, and family services professionals. She and her husband live in Kent, OH, and have two daughters.
Margaret Pevec, MA (Family Life Education) works as an educator and a life coach with parents of teenagers to help smooth out the rough spots, discover common values, and find the fulfillment that comes from deep connection. Since raising her own children through their teen years, she has been passionate about empowering adolescents and also educating people about adultism (the prejudice against and discrimination of young people due to their age). She lives in Boulder, CO.